Woman As Art
Madeleine was at work checking her private emails at yahoo.com when she saw a new one from her wife Freya — the subject head: “Time to trade in Ms. Purple for a new model.”
“What the…” Madeleine said to herself. She clicked on the subject line to open the email:
Sexy Earth Day: Environmentally Friendly Sex Festival
Wednesday, April 22, 11 am — 9 pm
At Smitten Kitten, we believe in a healthier, more sustainable planet, and we make sure the inventory we sell is made of identifiable, safe materials.
Providing non-toxic, safe toys is so important to us, that we’re offering an amazing deal for people who need to exchange their toxic toys for safe ones. If you bring in a washed, toxic toy for proper disposal, we will give you 40% off a new safe toy.
Madeleine had to cover her mouth to stifle what would have been a loud burst of laughter so her coworkers wouldn’t hear. She clicked on “Reply”: All right, you got me. We’re going to trade her in!
At the Smitten Kitten on Earth Day, there was a table with literature about “toxic sex toys” and a large glass jar with a lid that held dildos that were in a bizarre state: They looked slimy — some of them even seemed to be melting.
“Iiiilllllll!” Madeleine said.
“Ugh! Disgusting!” Freya gasped.
“Like our jar of unsafe sex toys?” another woman with candy-red bobbed hair said. “I’m Janet, one of the sales associates.”
“Oh,” Madeleine said. “What’s the deal with these things?”
“Sex toys like these that are made with PVC — that’s vinyl, basically — and with a chemical called phthalates to make the vinyl soft eventually break down over time, leaving this sick mess.”
“And that one looks like your soon-to-be-gone toy!” Freya pointed to a translucent green semi-blob in the jar.
“So, you have a trade-in?” Janet asked.
“Right here.” Madeleine pointed to an old canvas tote bag she had under her arm.
“You don’t have to take it out of the bag,” Janet said. “Just bring it over here to our disposal bin.”
Madeleine and Freya followed Janet to a large plastic garbage can. “PLACE TOXIC TOYS HERE,” said a label on the lid.
Woman As Art
“Hell, I’m scared to open it up!” Madeleine said as she lifted the lid. The can was almost full of a variety of sex toys, most of them in bags or in their original packaging. Madeleine placed the old tote bag in the can.
“All right, let’s see if I can find a new Ms. Purple.” Madeleine turned to one of the shelves, which had a full selection of silicone dildos.
“Look what I found,” Freya held in her hand a smooth, slim, hot-dog shaped black dildo.
“That’s too small,” Madeleine said. “And it ain’t purple.”
“I was thinking about this for me,” Freya said, her eyes fluttering.
“You!” Madeleine exclaimed. “I remember when you turned your nose up at dildos.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Freya said. “But you’ve changed my mind about a lot of things since we’ve been together.”
“Oh,” Madeleine remarked. “How much is it?”
“This size is $25,” Freya said.
“Figures, since it’s so little,” Madeleine smarted off.
“Oh, just because your appetite is so large,” Freya said; then she added, “plus everything that’s not already on special is 10 percent off today.”
“Good!” Madeleine said. “That means the thigh harness will be discounted, too. We’re really getting over in here today!”
After Madeleine found a dark purple dildo with a metallic sheen, she and Freya made their purchases and left the store.
Stephani Maari Booker’s creative work has been published most recently in the charity anthology Write for Light: A Collection of True Stories and Poems About Finding Light in the Darkness
(CreateSpace, 2013) and the journals Minnesota Spokesman-Recorder
and phati’tude Literary Magazine
. The full-length version of “The Trade-In,” first published as an excerpt in Pittsburgh Flash Fiction Gazette
is in the anthology Coming Together: Girl on Girl
(EroticAnthology.com, 2013). Visit Stephani’s website for more information about her work: Stephani Maari Booker