Albert was restless. He had money, women, plenty of sex and still he was restless. He sat there fidgeting, thinking, “What’s the point?”
He has everything a man could wish for. Good looks, money, women. Yet the longing in him wouldn’t subside. Not even hours of meditation helped. He kept asking himself, “What’s the point?”
He had his feet up, gazing out his office window at the expanse of the Mediterranean outside his window. Yes, the view was spectacular. As was his house, overlooking the sea. His office was on the lower level and because of the slope of the hill, the view was breathtaking. But at the moment, it didn’t please him. He didn’t want to sound ungrateful for all his good fortune, but still he thought, “What’s the point?”
Leonard Cohen was singing in the background:
“Ah baby, let’s get married, we’ve been alone too long. Let’s be alone together. Let’s see if we’re that strong. Yeah let’s do something crazy, something absolutely wrong while we’re waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come. ”
“Yes,” thought Albert as the words of the song caught his attention, “that’s exactly what I’m feeling. I’m just waiting for a miracle… a miracle..”
He pressed replay so he could hear the song from the beginning.. “Baby, I’ve been waiting, I’ve been waiting night and day. I didn’t see the time, I waited half my life away. There were lots of invitations and I know you sent me some, but I was waiting for the miracle, for the miracle to come.”
He sighed and switched off the music. He didn’t have time to hear the whole song; he had to go. He was supposed to meet Stefan and his latest girlfriend for dinner at Chez Paul’s.
“What’s the point?” he thought as he left.
It was her innocence that brought him to his knees. It might have seemed that he was a powerful man, in control, but her softness, naivety, and openness were far more powerful than his seemingly worldly savoir faire. Was it a cruel twist of fate or poetic justice that it turned out that it was him, Albert, who was afraid of taking the plunge. He – the man of so much confidence and bravado – was the one who was afraid of leaping into the unknown.
Her wonderful, sumptuous chestnut hair framed her lovely face, but still he trembled inside, knowing it was truly she, this green-eyed beauty he hardly knew, who was leading him into uncharted waters.
It was so unexpected, it had taken him by surprise.
But he had to admit he was the one who was awestruck, trembling on the brink. But how could it be? How could a man like Albert Giovanni end up here?
The first time he fucked her, that very night, that very first night, it had just been business as usual. The usual good fuck as he was wont to do. A fast, professional fuck where they both came hard and fast, giving satisfaction to both. And when it was done, he thought it was done. Over. Another fast fuck with another beautiful woman, as had been his way.
He rolled over in the big, low bed and sighed. Closed in upon himself. Self-satisfied. But then the strangest thing happened; it just did.
And he found himself, to his own great and everlasting surprise, turning slowly towards her again on that low bed of his. He was quite sure, quite positive in fact, that he was not doing the turning. It was as if the turning towards her was happening by itself. It was definitely not something he decided to do. Definitely not something he planned or even wanted… but it was happening anyway. And as it unfolded, he watched as he began to make love to Rachel again, slowly and gently this time.
‘Whatever am I doing?’ he thought, as he caressed her and heard her sigh. But things felt different when he touched her this time, he noticed; they just did. So he continued.
‘This is another kind of love-making,’ he thought. A kind of love-making he hadn’t tasted before. Because it felt different. It just did. It felt… somehow real. Yes, real. Like heartfelt or like… well he wasn’t quite sure how it felt because it was something he’d never actually felt before. So how could he know something he’d never known before. Never tasted before… But it was happening anyway. Despite himself. Regardless of himself. Regardless. It seemed to have its own life.
‘What’s going on?’ he thought as he felt the sea air change around him. ‘What is this…’ But it was beyond his control.
It was as if a great tide from a great ocean was coming thundering in and washing over him. Bringing with it, this mysterious sea change which was sweeping through his heart.
There was no denying it.
There was a wind coming up, a great powerful wind from somewhere, from somewhere unknown and far away, from some great depth that he had within him that he’d never experienced before.
So he stopped, even though he was deep inside her, and swept back her sumptuous chestnut hair and looked into those mysterious green eyes of hers. And when he looked, he was surprised to find she was actually there. Looking back at him, meeting him there where he was, not flinching, not wavering. Just there, fully present with him, a soft smile on her lips.
‘She’s actually here with me,’ he heard the words echoing inside his head. ‘She’s actually here… present… present… ‘
That was when he knew something profound was happening between them and he felt her open and allow him to reach her depths. He was quite unprepared for how it felt. Quite stunned. It was as if the wind was rushing in his ears, making his heart tremble. And he knew he’d been allowed to enter some sacred space, as an inexplicable unleashing of universal forces that were beyond his control took place.